[ Originally Published March 2018 : northparkradio.com ]
According to the definitely not fake news source CNN, "President Donald Trump said former Vice President Joe Biden 'would go down fast and hard' in a fight after Biden suggested that he would 'beat the hell out of' Trump if they were in high school."
Let's fucking do this.
I'm so ready for a modern day presidential duel, something a master poet can immortalize in a revolutionary art piece sometime in our nation's future.. An event so epic that it would actually 'break the internet' and forever after be a 'where were you' moment. Why shouldn't we make Worldstar a legitimately referenced source in classrooms for centuries to come?
I personally don't want this potential fight to end with fists, however. Let's truly up the stakes here and put guns in their hands, heck give 'em muskets, and maybe the prize could be the office of president and whatever gun control legislation they deem appropriate. A truly high stakes political match! I truly believe that people around the world would love nothing more than watching two powerful, nefarious hucksters attempt to murder each other with muskets live on smartphones. We'd settle for the winner assuming control over the executive and imposing their own gun control measures, with smiles on our faces, if the pay-per-view were a reasonable price.
This whole drama might turn out to be the sort of definitive answer to our nation's most important problems: duels to the death.. True 'Trial by Combat' scenarios that the hit show Game of Thrones recently popularized, where arguments are fought between individuals not with words and ideas, but with outdated weaponry and unedited violence.
So what say you taxpaying citizens of the United States? Can we somehow make this Trump v. Biden duel to the death a reality, and finally Make America Great Again?
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