"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit."
- Psalm 34:18
This last summer was a wild ride for me..
I chose to live entirely out of my truck while maintaining a full-time job, writing blogs and doing livestreams, being active in multiple Bible studies and churches, continuing on in my ministry of discipling young men, all while going on 9 National Park camping + hiking trips across 6 different U.S. states..
I stripped myself down to the bare minimum. Practiced being uncomfortable. Refocused my priorities on what actually mattered; evangelizing, discipling, serving in my church and in my community, taking care of my physical and mental health, and paying off my debts. And through it all I finally came to a place of peace regarding my singleness and my purpose in this time and place.
Then I met a girl..
Someone who seemed like answered prayer. Who was different than myself, but in complimentary ways.. Someone that actually kept me in check, inspired me and challenged me to become a better man. Someone who made me laugh and brought me peace, and who most importantly was actually just herself..
A young woman in these modern times that truly is who she is, not someone merely acting out a fictional role or pretending to be something that she isn't for the approval of others..
So of course I fell in love with her.. And as the title of this blog should let you know already, she didn't love me back.
We foolishly rushed into a relationship, and after a few disagreements, some unwise words + a couple of stressful weeks, it all came to an abrupt end.. And for the first time in my life I experienced very real and serious heartbreak.
Now, I have gone through many breakups before, have had many major setbacks in life, plenty of highly disappointing moments, and grieved the loss of many loved ones before, but nothing has ever come as close to the deep down brokenness I have experienced in the months since the end of this short-lived summer relationship.
It doesn't really make sense on paper, even as I type this out now it isn't really easy to justify or explain with words, but there has been a severe heartbreak resulting from this short summer romance, and it plagued every part of my life with a very dark stain.
But despite all the pain and turmoil, the regrets and the tears, many great things have come about for me in the aftermath, regardless of how unwanted it all may have been.
My priorities have been refocused, my schedule has been cleared up, my mission has been redirected, and my energy has been used on doing what actually matters most; bringing God glory.
My relationship with Him has never been closer, my prayer life has become more consistent and intentional, my daily reading has actually been daily.. And the lessons I have learned from this failed relationship have been quickly turning me into a better man.. A righteously masculine one that my future wife needs me to become, whoever and wherever she is now.
There was an unforgettable moment during this breakup period when I was physically crying out over the loss of this girl, and it turned into a prayer of gratitude for the opportunity to even be here existing and to be able to experience things at all.. The good and the bad stuff, the beautiful and the ugly things, the sunshine and the rain.. I stopped crying for this girl, and instead cried out to my Creator to make me care about Him more than anything else.. To make my heart really care for what He needs from me, and not what I selfishly want.
That tearful prayer was answered.
He picked up the pieces of my broken heart and put them back together. He got me back on track with my mission of serving and leading those around me, and back onto the business of saving lost souls.
He truly tought me how to treat His daughters with more respect and tenderness, actual patience and forgivenness. He showed me that His sons are struggling and desperate, and that so many even directly around me are in need of my time, support and encouragement. He corrected me and rebuked me, led me away from my own selfish pursuits, and towards instead serving those in need. He forgave me for my many transgressions and failures, and his grace and mercy set me free. And He healed my broken heart, because I took it to Him..
Despite all that happened this year, I placed my faith in Him and all was made well in time.
I'm not just some lucky guy, this isn't some sort of miracle.. We see this pattern of God restoring faithful broken hearts over and over again throughout history :
Ruth and Naomi both experienced heartbreak after the death of their husbands. Yet they continued on, finding a great husband and new family following their obedient faith..
Job was suffering from heartbreak after he lost everything. Yet he carried on, eventually reclaiming everything that was lost and then some following his trusting faith..
Hannah lived a life of heartbreak being unable to produce a child of her own. Yet she kept praying, and was rewarded greatly with a child who would go on to do great things following her resilient and steadfast faith..
Those who stand strong in their faith, regardless of their circumstances, will surely be blessed. Those who navigate the storms and conquer the struggles placed before them with joyful and trusting hearts, will inherit rewards beyond measure. These blessings and rewards might take some time to acquire, and it might occur only beyond our experience here and now in this temporary place, but the Lord our God is still loving and generous. He fulfils every promise and cares for His people.
Those who walk obediently into righteousness, who humble themselves and repent of their wrongdoings, who believe in Jesus Christ the Son of God and accept the free gift of salvation offered to us all by His grace and mercy, will surely be blessed.. In the next moment, in this upcoming year, in another decade, or in the eternity awaiting us all beyond this life.. We will surely have our broken hearts healed and our suffering souls restored into a glorious spiritual re-union with the One who truly deserves our time, our energy, our strength, our trust, and our hearts..
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the lord, and whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream, and does not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought, nor cease to yield fruit."
- Jeremiah 17:7-8
"For I know the plans that I have for you,' declared the Lord, 'plans for prosperity and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."
- Jeremiah 29:11-13
In all your weakness, your brokenness, your emptiness, your despair, your failures and missteps, your struggles and heartbreaks.. Seek and find the healing + deliverance you long for in the only One who can ever truly and fully deliver + heal you.. The God who is powerful enough, loving enough, faithful enough to make you whole again.. The One who will restore you, redeem you, save you, and bless you, no matter what you have done or what has been done to you..
And when the "perfect girl" comes along and breaks your heart, know that the pieces can and will be put back together by its Creator.. It will not only be made new again, but will also be delivered over to someone who will take better care of it.
Place your heart into the hands of the all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving, fully gracious Lord who has amazing plans in store for it.
The blessings of the here and now, and the eternal peace of the forever after will be yours through a trusting and obedient faith in the One who deserves it. Return home to your Father in Heaven, where hearts don't break and the blessings never end.
"My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
- Psalm 73:26
"He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds."
- Psalm 147:3
